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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736561">Euphoria Unfolding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblurredmoments/pseuds/theblurredmoments'>theblurredmoments</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WTFock | Skam (Belgium)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artists, Break Up, Conflict Resolution, Euphoria Unfolding, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Make Up, Makeup Sex, Mutual Pining, Playing Guitar, college students, do i know what im doing? absolutely not, reference to classic literature, suffering from insomnia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:33:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblurredmoments/pseuds/theblurredmoments</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an elite university where two lost souls find each other, overcoming their hurdles together. Robbe has a dark and troubled past which he wants to hide from everyone, especially from a white-haired boy who he cant seem to ignore any longer.</p><p>Sander wants to help Robbe with his struggle, but how can he when he is battling his own inner monsters? He is treading on thin ice, barely away from drowning.</p><p>With love, comes acceptance. Will they be able to accept each other’s past?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey everyone, welcome to my FIC. I am a new writer here, so read my fic with a little bit of patience haha.</p><p>I am a huge fan of both ELU &amp; SOBBE, and that’s why decided to write this starting with SOBBE.</p><p>I am trying to steer away from the typical wtFOCK S3 storyline, let's see where it leads to.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dad please stop calling me now, I have to unpack a load of boxes and they won’t open up by themselves” Robbe was pacing frantically in hallways now as his new dorm was messy from moving in and he wanted to breathe freely while talking to his dad who was not taking the hint to hang up.</p><p>“… what the hell do you mean by that? You didn’t pay a single dime when mom was institutionalized, but you suddenly want to help with my education now? No thank you, I’m here on my own, I will manage no thanks to you. I have a scholarship; you know that, don’t you?” Robbe exhales a long breath after finishing his words. Suddenly he hears a door being opened.</p><p>A boy with platinum blonde hair colour against tan skin emerges slowly, poking his head from behind the door and taking a quick survey of the empty hall.</p><p>“We can do this tomorrow, but you have to leave now”, the boy pushes forward a girl, nudging her to leave.</p><p>“But baby, I have classes tomorrow back to back, and can’t come over in the night, I have to work on my project,” the girl gives him a sad smile.</p><p>“Ok, I will let you then”, the boy moves them both forward a bit and tries to entangle the girl from his waist, but the girl was not budging.</p><p>The girl pulled the white-haired boy towards herself, wrapping her arms around his neck and she sunk herself in his embrace while their lips came crashing together.</p><p>“let me know then”, with last words, the girl leaves while reeling from the aftereffects of such a wonderful kiss, well Robbe can only hope how wonderful it was.</p><p>“Do you often eavesdrop on people and watch them make out?”, Robbe finds himself lose focus while hearing such melodious voice directed towards him.</p><p>“Hmm I..I…what…what?” Robbe was so flustered he could feel his cheeks turning red.</p><p>“Why were you listing to us?” the white-haired boy asked again, voice calm and neutral.</p><p>“Sorry, I wasn’t. I was in hallway before you came… and I was talking to someone….oh shit,” Robbe realized he was still on call with his dad.</p><p>Like in a haze with a groggy mind he slowly turned around back and lifted the phone to his ear, “….you know what I mean, take care of yourself, I don’t want to remind you what happened last time when you went out late in the night and then I got a call from the police, do you want me to continue son?”, Robbe’s breath has become laboured now, coming unevenly. He tried to calm his mind but to no avail.</p><p>“it’s not like you suddenly care about me” Robbe forced the words through his clenched teeth, he went on “it never mattered to you if I lived or died, stop suddenly being so concerned. And that was one time like you never fucked up before’”.</p><p>He heard someone take an audible gasp behind him; he saw the white-haired boy looking at him with a mix of shock and tinge sadness.</p><p>Robbe had enough; he cut the call with his dad still rumbling in mid-sentence and slammed the door behind him with a loud smash.</p><p>Exhausted after a long day of hauling boxes to his new dorm, he fell on the bed with sleep immediately lulling him to peace.</p><p>Robbe knew he didn’t have much time left, so he wanted to make the best of them count. He wanted to cherish every moment before everything ends. He hopes that the white-haired boy never finds his secret. Robbe hopes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbe absent-mindedly flexed his right-hand fingers and released few disgruntled breaths, the pain was receding slowly but still there like a numb ache.  Robbe picked up his guitar, the last gift his mom ever gave him, and started tuning the chords.  He winced in pain the moment his pinky finger met the chords, and he cursed loudly. “Fuck ahh”.</p><p>His tendons were still torn, and he needed to take it easy as his doctor told him to.</p><p>“Robbe, are you okay?” the doctor seemed genuinely shocked when Robbe visited him a few weeks ago.  </p><p>“Yes,” Robbe gave a curt reply.</p><p>“I am here for you if you need me. We can help you, Robbe, the police and me.  Let us help you”.</p><p>Robbe shrugged his shoulders and left the clinic in a hurry without giving another reply.</p><p>He dropped the guitar on the bed and picked up his phone, which was going on nonstop.</p><p>“Robbe, are you coming? You are already 20 minutes late man”.</p><p>“Coming”, he cut the call hastily and sprinted towards café for his evening shift.</p><p>                                            ………………</p><p>It was quite a hectic pace today. Robbe enjoyed being a barista, and the perks that came with it. He would talk to the unknown customer that flocked the cozy café during his shift, and somehow he could feel a strange burden lift off from his shoulders.</p><p>“Yo server?  Can we get three coffees please?”  Robbe strained his ear to pick up the last few words.</p><p>He rushed towards their table to write the order, flipping through his notepad.</p><p> “Ahh make it four-man, look who finally decided to grace us with his presence”.</p><p>Robbe turned sideways to look at who came through, and he was immediately mesmerized. It’s the white-haired boy who lived across the hall. </p><p>“Ha-ha, like you ever show up yourself” the boy sat down while placing a smack on his friend’s head.  </p><p>Robbe panicked and let out hurriedly, “coming right up” and briskly walked from there before the white-haired boy could say anything to him.</p><p>Why is this boy making him feel so frazzled suddenly? It’s not that he doesn’t like him…. wait what? Does he like him? </p><p>He didn’t even realize that he was standing near their table ready with the orders.</p><p>He served them their drinks, hoping to avoid any possible conversations with them, especially him. </p><p>The white-haired boy was sneaking quick glances at Robbe, which he thought he was doing so subtly, but nope, Robbe did notice it and tried to ignore. </p><p>While serving the last cup, he felt his little finger’s tendon snap and reflexively he curled his fingers inward, resulting in accidentally spilling the cup’s content upon one of the boy’s leg.</p><p>This is the second time since morning Robbe felt a terrible ache in his hand.</p><p>“How much of a klutz are you? Can’t even do a simple server job properly, and it seems like they hire anyone here nowadays. Shit, look at this,” the boy was angrily screeching by this point.</p><p>“Adi, calm down. It’s not that a big deal, it was an accident, here wipe the rest with this,”, the white-haired boy placed several tissues in his outraged friend’s hand. </p><p>Robbe was cursing his luck. The only day he decided not to wear his splint and then this happens.  </p><p>Robbe moved towards the table again, keeping a little distance.</p><p>“I am really so sorry. It was an accident. Let me buy you another cup, it's on me,” Robbe offered gently, trying not to let the matter go out of hand.</p><p>“Fuck off, you low-level dross” he slid from his seat and gestured his friends to leave and then stormed off.  The rest sighed and then followed their friend out.</p><p> Robbe was so taken aback from the insult that he couldn’t come up with any reply and just stood there, wiping the table silently.</p><p>Suddenly he felt a featherlight touch on his shoulder, “hey there you okay?”, it was the white-haired boy who came back.</p><p>Robbe was still reeling from his initial shock and cleared his throat, “everything’s fine, why?”</p><p>“I just… um… noticed a small twitch in your pinkie finger,”, he said, as if he was genuinely concerned.</p><p>“You are very good at noticing small things, aren’t you?” Robbe replied in his best flirty tone he could muster.</p><p>“Only things that matter, but yeah I am,” Sander said huskily, his voice dipping low an octave.</p><p>“Huh” Robbe was so flustered to reply anything else.</p><p>“I apologize for my friends, that was very much rude of him. E isn’t like this, he is under stress and he lashed out on you which he shouldn’t have. Again, I’m sorry Robbe”.</p><p>“You know my name?” Robbe replied instantly. He was so shocked his face was pure fun to watch.</p><p>“Of course I know, you live right across from me” he replied with a smirk playing on his lips. “I’m Sander”, he walked back towards the door while eyeing Robbe the entire time. </p><p>Robbe felt an icy shiver run down against his spine as if someone blew north wind against his soul.</p><p>“See you soon, I know where to find you”, sander disappeared through the door, still a hint of mischief playing along his lips.</p><p>Robbe was waiting for their next interaction now. But why? Why does he care about this white-haired boy? He shouldn’t, should he?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Say hi to me, I am on Tumblr at @theblurredmoments</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Robbe is going through terrible nightmares about his mom and it is causing his insomnia and it really pains me write about this, hope he recovers soon enough. Hope someone is there to help him ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b><em>Mom.. mom, please open your eyes. Please don’t leave me ….. no let me go…. let me go….</em></b> Robbe woke up with a sudden jolt. The sheets were drenched with sweat around him.  </p>
<p>He knew sleep is done with tonight. </p>
<p>It was 2:25 AM, and he knew that his restless soul needed something to numb the aching in his heart. He missed his mom, and the wound she left behind was still bleeding. He was having terrible nightmares, and he could not cope up with all his feelings and emotions.</p>
<p>He knew that broerrs will always have his back, but it isn’t the same. Robbe couldn’t open himself up to them, not the way he wanted to. He needs time. </p>
<p>He picked up his guitar and rushed towards the rooftop above, the place he went when he was unable to fall asleep. His mind was still too frazzled from the nightmare, and he could not focus on any tune.  He lights up a joint and took deep puffs. </p>
<p>He slowly felt himself lose touch with reality, exactly what he needed now.</p>
<p>“You know, for being a literature student, you aren’t that bad at playing the guitar.  Maybe you should consider switching your major,” a low voice spoke up from behind.</p>
<p>For a moment Robbe was startled at the sudden intrusion of his thought at this late hour, but he knew this voice. He would always recognize this voice anywhere.</p>
<p>Robbe was too high to form complete sentences so his reply instead came out as “huh… wha… what are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Nothing much, just came to check who was playing such an awful tune at 3 in the morning”,  Sander sat in front of him, they were both sitting at an elevated ledge now. He thought the height would make sander uncomfortable or he will be terrified, but he simply moved his hand forward like a handshake. </p>
<p>“May I?” Robbe was clueless for a second, but then Sander motioned towards the half-finished joint.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, sure”, he passed it towards him, and their fingers touched. It was like Robbe felt his body shiver like he was electrified, but the sensation was really exciting. He couldn’t explain it in words, it was like he is in both in hell and heaven at the same time. </p>
<p>“Was it a nightmare?” Sander asked, keeping his voice barely audible.</p>
<p>Robbe was lost in thoughts, and he was wondering how this boy knew him so well already? Did his face give it away what he was feeling?</p>
<p>“Kind of, yes. It’s nothing”, he shrugged, hoping that Sander will drop this conversation already. </p>
<p>Whatever he said, it worked.  This time, Robbe couldn’t keep his thought inside and he blurted out, “aren’t you afraid of heights?”</p>
<p>Sander blew some smoke rings, puckering his lips into O shape, and Robbe was having difficulty to focus on anything else. Robbe was so smitten with this boy that the thought kind of made him afraid. He barely even knew him, but he was already ready to bring the entire world to his feet if he ever asked Robbe.</p>
<p>“Huh, why would I be? We aren’t even that high anyway,” sander replied in a relaxed voice. “Would you play something? Or you can continue which you were playing before I came”.</p>
<p>“You head what I was playing?  How long were you eavesdropping”, Robbe was both shocked and kind of scared to play now, what if his music ends up being crap, and sander judges him in the wrong way?</p>
<p>“Chill man, I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything, anyone can hear it from our floor, you were not that discreet,”, a mischievous smile was threatening to play on Sander’s lips.</p>
<p>“Ok, but don’t judge me” Robbe let out a small whine, hoping Sander can recognize the pleading that Robbe was trying to hide desperately.</p>
<p>Robbe took another drag of the joint and gave it back to Sander.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>He picked up his guitar again and let his emotions run free while his soul guided his fingers upon the guitar strings. And a thrum of melody began to envelop them under the beginning of a dawning sky.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Sanders POV</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Sander knew that when Robbe had nightmares and couldn’t sleep, he went to the rooftop with his guitar, and played till his heart stopped bleeding over. And Sander used to stand near the metal door, leading towards the rooftop and watch Robbe play. But he never went ahead to talk to this gorgeous boy, but he will today. He can’t keep the thought away any longer. He won’t. </p>
<p>Sander tried to play this scenario in his head for many nights now. He needed to make a good first impression. Especially a good one, as their last interaction didn’t go as he had planned. </p>
<p>Adi, his friend was recently dumped by his girlfriend and he lashed out on Robbe for spilling coffee on his legs. That day Sander barely could control his rage and wanted to thrash his friend for talking that way to Robbe. But he somehow controlled his features, and he apologized to Robbe on behalf of his friend. </p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how Robbe would react at first, as they barely knew each other and rarely talked before. They simply lived across the hall from each other and Sander was in 3rd year while Robbe was in 1st.</p>
<p>It was late and Sander was tossing like a wild cat in bed, unable to fall asleep. He knew it wasn’t because of his episode, but because of the anxiety of waiting. Waiting for a brown-haired angel who plays soulful tunes on his guitar late at night. Just as he was contemplating his frayed thoughts his heart stopped beating momentarily when he heard a faint melody coming from upstairs. And he instantly knew who it could be. The shy brown haired angel.</p>
<p>Sander left his dorm in a hurry and ran upstairs, slowing his pace when he was almost near the door. There he was, Robbe…. playing guitar while a joint was held sinfully between his lips. So lost in deep thoughts, that the boy didn’t hear Sander’s approaching footsteps. </p>
<p>So Sander said, as low as he could make his voice not to interrupt Robbe’s tune- “You know, being a literature student, you aren’t that bad at playing the guitar.  Maybe you should consider switching your major”…….. And he prayed to god, that this time, this conversation won’t end up with someone being sorry. </p>
<p>The melody that Robbe was playing transfixed Sander. His fingers glided effortlessly on the guitar strings, and he knew he was drunk in Robbe’s music. And there’s no stopping now. He won’t ever go back looking to music, the way he was feeling now. </p>
<p>It was like he was soaring high in clouds, with no one holding him back. Robbe was so focused on playing, with his eyes closed, lost in moment and reality. Sander wanted to run his fingers through the boy’s ruffled, soft brown hair.</p>
<p>The tune felt so pensive and melancholic as if Robbe was playing for someone very close to him. He could feel that the melody was near the end. It went to build and build and then slowed down to a low tempo and Robbe let out a deep gruntled sound and ended playing.</p>
<p>Sander was still fixated on Robbe that he missed out on what the boy was asking him.</p>
<p>“Well… did you like it?” Robbe asked in an unsure voice.</p>
<p>Sander wanted to kiss the boy so badly, but he reigned in his features. </p>
<p>“Ah..it wasn’t that bad as I expected” he let out in a slow and carefully controlled voice without giving his emotions away. </p>
<p>“I know it wasn’t that good, but its something I have been working for a while”.</p>
<p>Is he kidding? What does he mean? It was mind-blowing and exhilarating, both at once. It was like letting go and being in the moment, both at once.</p>
<p>Sander was afraid to elaborate anymore. He thought if he went on, he would probably profess all his emotions in one night. So he stood up and said, “come, its already 5 AM and we have a class in 3hours”, he motioned to leave.</p>
<p>“Fine”, Robbe picked up his guitar and followed Sander towards their dorm.</p>
<p>Just as Robbe was about to go inside in his dorm Sander decided to share a small part of him, hoping Robbe won’t say no.</p>
<p>“If you want, then we can go together at nights when…. you decide to play, that is,” he prayed that Robbe won’t say no.</p>
<p>“you want to??” Sander could see that the boy was visibly shocked and surprised. It pleased him to no extent.</p>
<p>“Yes, your terrible screeching of guitar strings won’t let me sleep peacefully anyway… so perhaps maybe I could join”, he was shocked how Robbe was buying this level of bullshit. Sander gave himself some points for this terrible acting.</p>
<p>“I will think about it”, Robbe gave a small smile and disappeared through the door.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Sander knew he was lost, he was in an uncharted territory and it thrilled him for what’s about to come. </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>His phone beeped with a new notification–Date night with Britt, at 21:00 hrs.</p>
<p>
  <em>He totally forgot about it. Fuck. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>even though Sander takes some bad decisions at the begging, it ends peacefully for him... or rather for both of them ....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <b>Sander’s POV</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Friday 9:30 pm</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>He can only blame himself for his current condition, Sander thinks.  He could barely keep his eyes open at this point and wanted this night to end.</p>
<p>“Are you even listening or did you drift off again? You drink too much for your own good Sander, you need to stop,” the girl huffed in obvious annoyance in front of him.</p>
<p>“Britt, stop overreacting, I only had 2 beers and nothing more” Sander replies in evident annoyance, but the girl fails to take the hint.</p>
<p>It was a tough night for him and sadly, his own girlfriend failed to notice how badly he was struggling. Sander was enduring a terrible depressive episode, and he just wanted to curl up in bed, never leave his room. </p>
<p>On the other hand, being serenaded with a guitar under an opalescent sky with one particular brown-haired boy doesn’t sound too bad.</p>
<p>“Where’s your head, Sander? Are you fucking high already?  Can’t believe even after saying so many times you still don’t listen to me,” Britt finished in one breath, rambling angrily. </p>
<p>“Stop acting like my mom, you are not in charge of me,” Sander leapt off from his chair deciding to leave.</p>
<p>“Where do you think you are going?”</p>
<p>“I am going back to my dorm for your concern, I need to be alone. Don’t follow me back.” He huffed in annoyance as much as he could muster at that moment, hoping the girl would back off.</p>
<p>Giving no chance for a reply, he walked out from the pub.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>11.15 pm</em>
</p>
<p>Before leaving, he did not realise how much chilly the night would get.</p>
<p>He wasn’t that cold, thank god for his black leather jacket and Doc Martens. It was getting late, and he was in no mood to entertain anyone, hoping nobody interrupts him at this hour.</p>
<p>Sander sighs and looks down at his watch– 11.30 pm, scoffing in disbelief at how he possibly wasted 2 hours with Britt. Finally, facing his dorm in broke out in a small sprint forward while suddenly he heard someone call out his name.</p>
<p>“Hey Sander? You want to hang upstairs?” Robbe stood before him while nervously fidgeting with guitar strap with an unsure tone.</p>
<p>Sander was not sure why but the thought immediately crossed his mind-<em><b>for you anytime, anywhere, just ask me and I will always say yes to you.</b></em></p>
<p>“Isn’t it already late? We have class tomorrow.” Sander replied, calming his frayed breath.</p>
<p>“I don’t have class tomorrow, and couldn’t sleep anyway, so… wanna come?”</p>
<p>“Ok, lead the way”.</p>
<p>A small smile tugged at Robbe’s lips, and he led the way forward.</p>
<p>“Come”, he said, looking behind with right hand extended forward, urging Sander to join him.  And he did just that, clasping Robbe’s hand tightly.</p>
<p>
  <b><em>Ohh this boy will be the death of me,</em> Sander realised.</b>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They settled on a perched concrete slab, leaving a brief space between them.</p>
<p>“So, what are we listening to tonight?” Sander asked, dropping his voice down an octave.</p>
<p>Robbe lit a new joint and passed down after blowing a few perfectly shaped smoke rings.</p>
<p>But he had to decline. Mixing meds and joints to already alcohol hazed mind wasn’t a good idea. “No thanks, I’m good” he turned down politely.</p>
<p>“Pick a track of your choice; I will try not to botch it up,” Robbe said somewhat haughtily.</p>
<p>Sander’s mind went blank. All at once his thoughts bungled up and replied being subtle - “surprise”.</p>
<p>They were both silent now, settled under the starry night comfortably. Sander was serenely star gazing when Robbe started humming a tune. He turned sideways to look at him and his breath get caught. Robbe looked so peaceful and ethereal, like someone out of a magical dream. The night sky was adorned with gentle moonlight and the moonbeam lit up Robbe’s face so gently.</p>
<p>Sander felt his depressive episode cease bit by bit with each soft melody of the guitar.</p>
<p><em>“She was a Phantom of delight, when first she gleamed upon my sight,”</em> Robbe whispered in low voice, barely audible.</p>
<p>Sander caught every word of the beautiful sentence, already fumbling for an appropriate reply.</p>
<p>“Who’s it from?”</p>
<p>“This is by the famous William Wordsworth, why? Don’t you like it?”</p>
<p>“I like it alright” Sander scoffed, hoping his emotions don’t betray him.</p>
<p>“Why does your pinkie finger twitch when you play?  Is it some nerve problem?” Sander blurted out.</p>
<p>Robbe kept on playing without glancing at him. Why? Why does your hand look so wrecked? Why are you always so exhausted? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want to kiss? Maybe yes? Do you like me? Would you like me even after knowing the things I try the most to hide? Would you look at me the same ever again?</p>
<p>Sander looks away. The moment suddenly feels important and fragile, like one wrong word will break the delicate connection between them.</p>
<p>“It was an accident, I fell down the stairs and got a hairline fracture, nothing much. It doesn’t hurt when I play,” Robbe replied, still not meeting Sander’s eyes.</p>
<p>Sander decided not to push it. They were still in testing waters. They were not friends, only mere acquaintances, though he wanted to be so much more.</p>
<p>It felt so simple and intimate in so many unspoken ways, being there at that moment. They were sharing a moment, which Sander wanted to replay again and again for the rest of his life. </p>
<p>Sander rests his head on Robbe’s shoulder and drifts off slowly, partly filled with utter exhaustion and the rest because of Robbe’s sweet guitar lullaby. Robbe closed his eyes after finishing his piece and he wrapped one arm around the sleeping boy, wrapping himself with the black jacket as much as he could.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Robbe drifted to sleep, letting peace finally claim him.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>When Sander woke up early the next morning, their arms were intertwined together along with each other. Sander was going through rubatosis now. He could feel his heart thrumming frantically in his chest, upon where Robbe laid his head, sleeping. He couldn’t resist himself and softly pushed the soft curls falling on Robbe’s forehead to side. The boy involuntarily nuzzled into Sander’s fingers.</p>
<p>He didn’t have the heart to wake up Robbe looking so peaceful, like a beautiful angel that he is. After stealing a few more glances, he went back to sleep, with a smile playing at the corner of his lips.</p>
<p>He felt Robbe smile too or was it his imagination he wasn’t sure. </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>He wanted to experience years of seasons with Robbe, which, with time, he would let him know.</b>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter was kinda hard for me to write, as I know what the future holds for both Robbe and Sander, and much shit is still waiting for them.....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Warning- some homophobic comment and slurs.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Robbe’s POV</strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Monday 9:30 am</em>
</p><p>Robbe was struggling as hard as he could to keep his eyes open through the first period. It was two nights ago that he had slept peacefully, a small reprieve from his usually tormenting insomniac night episodes.</p><p>Since that night he hadn’t seen Sander, not even a single glance. He thought of knocking on his door but when he neared towards his dorm, he could hear muffled giggling of a few people. He tried to make out best of the situation and just as he was going to knock again he heard a girl’s faint tone speaking behind the door. He knew what this went, so he turned back, ran to his room, and locked the door behind him.</p><p>Sleep didn’t come that night or the next.</p><p><em>“… so where were we? Ah, as Herman Melville says ‘Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off - then, I account it high time to get to see as soon as I can’</em>  what is the writer trying to convey through these words?”… Mr Louis was babbling on, which Robbe hardly was paying attention to.</p><p>Robbe was cursing his luck for taking classic literature. Sure he loves classic lit, but it was also very exhausting which he didn’t realise earlier. He fought tooth and nails for the scholarship, and it paid off.</p><p>“Mr IJzermans, are you listening? If you want, then you can finish napping in Dean’s office, I hope you won’t oppose to that,” Mr Louis suddenly spoke out to Robbe, who was on the verge of drifting off.</p><p>Before he could mumble an apology, Mr Louise spoke again “students have no regard or respect for literature these days I get that but didn’t expect such behaviour from a bright student like you Mr IJzermans, I ….”</p><p>His words came to a halt as someone knocked loudly on the class’s door. The man said, “Mr IJzermans, there’s someone here in Dean’s office to meet you. He told me to collect you immediately, let’s go”.</p><p>Robbe swiftly moved, packing his books as fast as he could, and tried to slip away from Mr Louise’s scrutinizing stare. He offered a small apology to his teacher before exiting.</p><p>“Dad??” he said in chocked panic voice while all colour flushed away from his face. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Your Dean called me. Apparently, you were unable to pay last 4 month’s accommodation and several other fees, those which were not included under a scholarship that nobody told me about in first place,” his father said in his trademark barely controlled voice filled with acid.</p><p>Since his mom passed away…. and several fights that occurred later on, Robbe was trying his best to distance his father from his life. But as luck played him for a fool, that old man was here today.</p><p>“Mr IJzermans, as I already discussed with you, Robbe is a good student and he is working part-time on the side, the way he is going I’m sure he won’t face any financial troubles, the college can manage I assure you,”, the dean offered Robbe a small smile.</p><p>“However, what we cannot allow is our scholarship student having such low grades this semester,” Dean said in a grave voice now. His father’s face was unreadable now as Robbe sneaked away a glance and quickly looked away.<br/>“Is everything alright Robbe?”</p><p>Robbe pondered for a few seconds before answering, but his father beat him to it.</p><p>“He is absolutely fine sir, the late-night partying and those terrible addictions of his are finally catching up on him, that’s all. But don’t you worry, I promise he will improve from next year,” his father said in that grave acid-filled voice of his and abruptly stood up.</p><p>“Thank you so much for having me here sir, if you don’t then can I have a few words with my son before I leave, I have to catch the next train soon” his father motioned towards the door and Robbe stood up too to follow him. The dean excused them both before exchanging another round of pleasantries, and that was it before shit struck the fan.</p><p>“Did you think you would get away so easily this time?” his father cornered him immediately as soon as they were outside the office.</p><p>Giving him no time to answer, his father pushed him against the near wall, griping his collars tightly in both fists while Robbe desperately tried to free himself.</p><p>“You do not understand all the shit I had to deal with so you could peacefully finish your studies, but no, I can’t have a single bit of peace for myself. If there’s another call from your college, then I won’t visit next time. Don’t you dare to go home. You are no longer welcome there,” his father finished, breathing in low shallow pace to keep his bottled anger at bay.</p><p>“I…let… me go.. please… don’t create a scene…. I… please” Robbe was pleading now, surprised at hearing his voice.</p><p>He still couldn’t believe that the management called his father like this, even before letting himself know about the situation. He knows he needs to sort out this matter soon, hoping that his father never steps foot here again.<br/>“Who do you think who you are? Isn’t it enough being a fag and then dragging my name through the mud like this, only if your mom wa..” his words got interrupted.<br/>“Mr IJzermans is everything okay?” a panicked voice was speaking now to his father.</p><p>
  <em>Jens.</em>
</p><p>“Yes .. yes, everything’s fine”, his father said, slowly backing away. Before releasing his collars, he slowly whispered to Robbe “this is not over” and his father stormed off with no further remark.</p><p>“You okay, man? I saw you leave class and ran as soon as the teacher allowed me,” Jens said in careful tone, hoping not to upset Robbe further.</p><p>Robbe said instead, “how much did you see?”</p><p>“All of it actually, I am so sorry Robbe. Wish I could come sooner”.</p><p>Robbe stood there silently, with a blank mind with no words forming inside.</p><p>When Robbe stayed quiet for a while, Jens asked again “do you want anything? Please, man, say something, don’t let this asshole get to your head”</p><p>“I want nothing. I don’t need anyone. Who am I to want, anyway? I am nothing… I am nothing,” Robbe’s voice quivered, tears threatening to fall anytime now.</p><p>“Did he hurt you… like last time?” Jens asked voice laced unhidden with uncertainty.</p><p>“Nothing he hasn’t done before. Can we get out of here?”</p><p>“Ya man, absolutely. There’s a party tonight, wanna join us?” Jens asked.</p><p>“Us?”</p><p>“Yes you, all the broerrrs including you”.</p><p>Robbe wasn’t sure whether he should entertain going to a party while all his life was crumbling down around him.</p><p>“I won’t take for an answer Robbe you know that and please say yes. It will help take some pressure off your mind. Please?” Jens whined like a child, and Robbe couldn’t deny him.</p><p>What else is new? At least he can get high with his friends, not alone for a change.</p><p>He needs his mind to numb down. That’s all.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll come” Robbe finally answered.</p><p>Robbe left hurriedly, saying something about a forgotten assignment before Jens could ask him anything else.</p><p> </p><p>* * *</p><p> </p><p>Robbe forgot how many shots he had downed since last hour. Still, he felt he wasn’t numb enough. His mind was still buzzing; the after-effects of seeing his father after many months completely rattled him.</p><p>He joined his three other crazy broerrrs; they were all smoking, sitting lazily in a bathtub.</p><p>Aaron greeted him first “What’s up man, why the long face?” he exclaimed giving high five excitedly.</p><p>He gave a quick smile and nestled down the position just vacated by Aaron, beside Jens and Moyo.</p><p>Robbe was thankful for the silent that fell around them so quickly, nobody asking anything further. Just 4 of them smoking casually.</p><p>Now, what it felt like eons, he could finally feel his mind doze off…. slowly… yup. He was high as a kite. He was fluttering between dozing off completely and staying awake.</p><p>“Of all the chicks downstairs, who would you do tonight,” Moyo was asking. Robbe thought of someone immediately, not a girl though but a certain someone he was longing to see again since last two days.</p><p><br/>There was a sudden knock on the bathroom door. Moyo lifted himself up carefully and went to answer.<br/>A girl with short fringe haircut came into view, “I er… need to pee, do you guys mind?”<br/>Moyo answered for all of them, “no no go ahead”.</p><p>The girl went ahead with her business, with no shame.</p><p>She was likeable, Robbe thought. Not bad, though. No one knew he was gay, not even Jens, but except for his shit father.</p><p>Robbe said now, answering Moyo’s previous question “My type? Dark hair, maybe with a fringe, a little edgy. Tattoos on her arms, wearing a sexy red dress kind of like Natalie Portman version” Robbe said huskily maintaining eye contact with the mysterious girl now in front of him.</p><p>“Stand up” the girl commanded Robbe.</p><p>He swung his legs forward one by one and stood up steadily.</p><p>The girl took the joint from his hands and took a long puff. She brought her lips closer to Robbe’s in a kiss and blew the smoke in his mouth slowly. She kissed him slowly, savouring the moment while Robbe stood transfixed.</p><p>The moment got over so quickly, Robbe opened his eyes and he saw the mystery girl now backing away slowly towards the door.</p><p>The moment she left, his friends let out high-pitched whistles.</p><p>“Man, you were so smooth what the fuck”.</p><p>“What the hell man, look at his face. Robbe is blushing”.</p><p>Jens immediately rambled, “give me the J man”</p><p>What?</p><p>“The J, she took it with her”.</p><p>“Dude you’re dead if I don’t get it back,” Jens said rather grumpily.</p><p>“Ok, fine” Robbe left them behind, moving even more grumpily than Jens.</p><p>He found her immediately outside, dancing with the girl gang.</p><p>They both caught each other’s smile and Robbe gave a sly smile.</p><p>“Hey, I’m Robbe”.<br/>“I know, I’m Noor”.</p><p>They ended up making out by the night.</p><p>Robbe’s mind was so fogged up that he thought all of this is a part of his hallucination. However, he was clear about one thing, even being in this state- he couldn’t let go thinking about Sander.</p><p>Everyone left around 12 am, leaving Robbe with Noor. Before parting ways, they exchanged numbers and Noor dropped him off, not before kissing him goodnight.</p><p>Sleep was no longer an option for him, so instead of going to his room, he went to his usual spot.</p><p>As he got closer to the rooftop doorway, he could make out soft voices of people’s giggling, unmistaken of a girl’s no doubt.</p><p>He was near the door now and froze in his steps.</p><p>There stood sander with a girl arm wrapped around her waist sideways. They were talking in a low tone, perched up, legs covered in a blanket.</p><p>Robbe’s heart sank.</p><p>He turned around immediately, causing no sound.</p><p>He sneaked one last glance towards the white-haired boy. He was kissing the girl passionately, now slipping a hand under her shirt to caress the skin of her stomach.</p><p>He can’t bear watching this. He squirmed away and slowly descend the stairs with a flinching pain in his heart.</p><p>Just as he fell and slumped on the bed, a new notification broke his train of unpleasant thoughts — You need to come home next week, there’s something we need to discuss.</p><p>
  <em>A text from his dad at this late, it could mean only one thing- his nightmare isn’t over yet.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>let me know on Tumblr what you think about this fic, find me at~  @theblurredmoments  :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>truth and dare leads to something unexpected for Robbe  ;)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning:  mention of PTSD and physical abuse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbe woke up lazily near 5 am. With his still weed-addled brain, he was trying to process last night’s events. Everything was shrouded in haze.</p><p>But one thing was crystal clear~ Sander kissed someone yesterday….at his fucking spot. The only spot where Robbe felt like playing his guitar- with loosened inhibitions.</p><p>Robbe was feeling betrayed. How could he do this to him, he simply couldn’t shake the feeling.</p><p>However, there was something gnawing at him.  They weren’t friends and certainly not acquaintances. They were two people, who shared a few nights together, one was playing his guitar and the other one was paying rapt attention.</p><p>Or was he grasping at invisible threads? Again?</p><p>It was as if his surrounding was warping his brain, and missing the point why he was feeling like this.   </p><p>Ok, but first things first, he needed to sort out some things.  </p><p>He was certain that a rising ache in his heart kept him sleeping peacefully all night, and the thought isn’t going away anytime soon. So he shifted his focus somewhere else.</p><p>He is supposed to go home next week, like hell he will, so that means he still has 6 days to get out of it.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>6 am</strong> </em>
</p><p>These days were filled with chilly winds and gloom indicating the early arrival of winter. While the world lay still cocooned in their warm blankets, Robbe thought will anyone ever notice if he just slipped among the darkness, letting the silence finally engulf him.</p><p>He thought if this way, maybe he would get to see his mom one last time, and somewhat prayed that his dad stopped hating him.</p><p>Too early for this kind of thoughts, he blew an exasperated breath and lit a joint.</p><p>He let the smoke slowly calm him, and closed his eyes.</p><p>***</p><p>Robbe woke up hurriedly to a fervent pounding on his dorm room door.</p><p>He registered the still shouting voice as Jen’s.</p><p>“Coming”.</p><p>“Did you drop dead this morning? I am knocking since last 10 min man, where the hell were you?” Jens asked frantically rushing inside.</p><p>Robbe replied taking a moment to process, “what’s the rush man, you couldn’t have waited till I came to class?”</p><p>“Shit, are you high Robbe?”, Jens said in his customary accusing tone.</p><p>“No, I’m not.” Robbe immediately replied</p><p>“Bullshit. Why are you lying? Also, you have 10 min to dress or we will be late for class.” Jens was now going through his drawers hurriedly to pick something fast.</p><p>“I couldn’t sleep last now, so I woke up and took a few puffs and now I’m late, thanks for coming,” Robbe was indeed thankful. He doesn’t need to infuriate his professor any further than he already has. He rushed to the bathroom to change.</p><p>“Is it…is it because of your dad? I mean you were acting a bit strange since…since he visited you here.</p><p>Robbe didn’t want to discuss this topic, especially with his best friend, who didn’t know that Robbe was gay and his father was hell-bent on thrashing Robbe just coz of this.</p><p>He decided not to lie, “yes, and please drop this topic in front of Moyo and Aaron.”</p><p>“Okay, I won’t say anything, but hurry up man, only 5 min left”.</p><p>“Done, let’s go,” both of them dashed as fast as they could towards their class.</p><p>They were 10 min late, but thankfully the professor didn’t arrive yet.</p><p>“Made it”, they high fived and took their seats alongside their two other friends.</p><p>******</p><p>It was a long and tiring day. With endless classes and new projects coming up with impossible due dates, Robbe thought his mind is going to explode. Nope, he is not going to survive rest of the university days.</p><p>“Guys, there’s a party tonight at 9 pm, what say? You guys in” Moyo asked enthusiastically.</p><p>Robbe was in no mood of partying. But just as he was going to refuse Aaron spoke up “you are not going to say this time man, we are all going and that’s final”, he dismissed Robbe with a flick of his hand.</p><p>“Please come, it would help you….to take your mind off of things. No pressure, but please consider” Jens pleaded in a small voice.</p><p>He knew if he kept saying no then his friends won’t leave him alone, also, he could get wasted so no complaining there.</p><p>“Okay, I will come. But Moyo is paying today” Robbe spoke with a sly smile tugging at his lips.</p><p>“The fuck man, why me?” but Jens silenced him with a pointed look.</p><p>They left for their respective dorms.</p><p>Robbe had a few ideas in mind for one of his upcoming project on classic literature essays but he needed to research first. The project was simple; review types of literary elements and techniques writers used in their work and write an essay on one of his choice of writer. Easy, he picked F. Scott Fitzgerald.</p><p>However, he needed to gather background information, along with the proper citation.</p><p>He propped up the laptop in his lap, sat on the cleaned floor, and dived into work.</p><p>He forgot how much time has passed when he was startled by a low knock.</p><p>“Hello, what are you doing on the floor?”</p><p>Robbe looked up immediately, “huh?” he replied groggily.</p><p>“Sorry to bother you, but your door was open and… been calling you since last 5 minutes but you were so focused that I didn’t want to disturb any further” Sander said in a low husky voice with an amused smile.</p><p>“Really? The door was opened? Shit”  he replied uncertainly. He was damn certain that he locked it, well that’s not the scene here.</p><p>“Yup, anyways, what you working on? Sander said leaning against the door politely, waiting to be invited in.</p><p>“On an essay, it’s boring. You don’t want to hear about it and do come in man.”</p><p>“If it’s something you are doing, then it can’t be boring at all. Tell me about it.”</p><p>There was an edge to his voice as if he wasn’t certain of what he is doing but he’s pushing forward no matter whether he is afraid or not.</p><p>“you really want to know?”</p><p>“Yes, Robbe, I really want to know. Now come on young man, spill” Sander was laughing now.</p><p>Robbe forgot how to breathe, seeing the boy in front of him laugh so joylessly, it made him look like an angel. An angel glowing underneath the soft luminescent lights in his room, while the shadows highlighted his features beautifully.</p><p>He looked so soft and pure and Robbe felt himself melt in a puddle.</p><p>“Okay, nothing much but I’m going to write an essay about various pieces of F. Scott Fitzgerald, review certain types of literary elements and techniques he used.” He hoped his voice sounded calm and not shaky, but his voice betrayed him.</p><p>““There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is blink,” Sander said after a while Robbe stopped explaining his project.</p><p>“You read his work? Robbe couldn’t stop himself from asking.</p><p>“Why does that surprise you so much Robbe?” he said rolling his eyes. Robbe couldn’t believe his ears, this boy in front of him just now quoted perfectly his favorite writer’s line.</p><p>“You don’t look like someone who reads or someone interested in literature,” Robbe said slowly among the sudden silence that befell over them.</p><p>“Okay, who do I look like then?”</p><p>Sander’s eyes were now fixed on Robbe, and it was unflinching. His stare held so much intensity. He felt so flushed and he knew he was blushing despite not wanting to.</p><p>“You look like someo….” his voice died in his throat. They were startled by the phone’s unexpected ringing. What a timing.</p><p>“…ya ..I’m coming right up, just wait a sec. Hey man, gotta go there’s someone waiting” Sander got up and rushed towards the door.</p><p>“Ya sure, see you next time”</p><p>“Maybe next time you can finish describing me,” Sander said smugly, before vanishing behind the door with a girl walking inside his dorm room, and closed the door.</p><p>
  <em>That bastard. </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>9:30 pm</p><p>The music was loud and pulsing. Robbe already felt a headache creep in his head.</p><p>“Here, take this” Aaron handed them 4 drinks.</p><p>Without questioning, he downed his shot, as usual, he needed to feel nothing at all.</p><p>“Loook who finally showed up hahaha, whewww” Jana came from behind and hugged  Jens slurring a lil bit. She was drunk. “Hey Jana, looks like someone’s having fun” Robbe winked at her.</p><p>“Hey Jana, is Amber here?” Aaron asked her barely keeping his voice low.</p><p>“Why? Do you want something?” Jana replied sarcastically cocking her head away from hugging Jens.</p><p>“Maybe tonight he wants to get in someone’s panties” Moyo roared with laughter while replying for Aaron.</p><p>Aaron turned pink and mumbled something quietly making all three boys roar with laughter.</p><p>“Brittttt girl you finally came” Jana wriggled away from Jens and lurched herself in another girl’s arms suddenly.</p><p>
  <em>Sander.</em>
</p><p>Sander came here too, with his girlfriend it seems.</p><p>They looked at each other and Robbes’ face broke in a smile.</p><p>After a round of introduction, he left with Britt and Robbe stayed with his gang.</p><p>But as luck had it, Noor was here too. “Hey”</p><p>“Hey”</p><p>“Would you like to dance? I promise I won’t step on your toes” Noor winked at him naughtily.</p><p>“Haha, you wish” Robbe led them towards the inner circle where people were dancing ignoring his friends behind who were definitely whistling like wolves. He couldn’t care less.</p><p>Music was pulsing and the beats were getting hard with each drop. Noor was dancing fluidly, like a carefree stream without anything to worry about, while Robbe was sneaking glances across the room.</p><p>Across the room, the white-haired boy was dancing with his girlfriend, without sparing any look towards Robbe.  And in the next moment, he felt Noor so close to him, he could feel her warm breath against his neck. He let out a startled whimper when their lips crashed in one union.</p><p>Yet he dared. He dared to look again at Sander, and the whole world stopped moving around him.</p><p><em>Sander was looking back this time.</em> Furiously. With a fierce gaze that made Robbe’s blood boil.  Their eyes remained locked on one other, and it felt like a whole eternity passed between them silently.</p><p>The girl was kissing Sander with intense passion and Robbe felt Noor do exactly the same. Robbe pulled back and cupped Noor’s jaw delicately,  “let’s get out of here, what say?”  </p><p>Noor excitedly pulled him for another kiss and he leaned into it parting his lips slightly.</p><p>“Noor, Robbe you guys need to come with me” Jens pulled them in a light tug towards another room.</p><p>Noor let out an irritated whine upon being interrupted but followed behind unwrapping her hands from Robbe’s neck.</p><p>Along with the usual boys, there were few others seated on the floor while someone was spinning a bottle.</p><p>“It’s time for truth or dare guys, gather around” Luca, Jana’s friend half-shouted towards them.</p><p>“Are we 12 or what” Robbe let out a whine, clearly unimpressed but took a seat beside Moyo. A moment later Sander and britt joined them too.</p><p>First-round, it lands on someone and Robbe was least interested to pretend he cared. He was so done with everything.</p><p>“Robbe?? Man, it's your turn” Aaron nudged him in ribs making him yelp in pain.</p><p>“Okay okay, truth. Go ahead”</p><p>Immediately Moyo asks him how was it with Noor while earning a smack in the head from Jens.</p><p>Despite his hesitation, he looked at Noor and answered “it was amazing, something you wouldn’t know man” with a sly and mocking tone.</p><p>Moyo huffs in annoyance and spins the bottle, this time landing on Sander.</p><p>Amber picks for him as he chose dare.</p><p>“Kiss Britt for 1 min straight, but with a blindfold and no touching” everyone erupts in ooohhhhs around them.</p><p>Sander lets out a huff, “that’s it? Easy, come here baby”. He proceeds to kiss britt, eyes tied up and hands behind his back. Robbe wanted to vomit but restrained the urge. Barely.</p><p>After a few rounds, it lands on him again and this time he picks dare.</p><p>He was praying that this round could spare him to kiss some girl, or anything easy, something doable.</p><p>Luca picked for him, “I dare you to pick a tattoo and get it done. Right now.”</p><p>Robbe was shocked to hear this and everyone went silent around them, waiting for an outcome.</p><p>“I know it’s a bit extreme, it's up to you man. Whatever you decide” Luca finishes.</p><p>“Okay,” he let out finally. Yes. He is going to do this.</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“Yes, let's go”</p><p>“Okay, in that case, we are coming with you” Jens was first to speak out.</p><p>“Me too, we all are coming” Replied Jana, standing up with the girl gang including Britt and Sander.</p><p>He knew a tattoo place which stayed open till this late. Its been a while he gave this any thought but yes he did want one. He was thinking about getting a tattoo for a few months now, and the opportunity just presented itself so unexpectedly today, he was glad.</p><p>The gang reached the places within 15 minutes dues to less traffic this late in the night and he proceeded inside.</p><p>He wanted to do this yes, but he needed to be alone in this process.</p><p>He urged everyone to wait for him outside and they did.</p><p>Before going inside he looked one last time at Sander, and the boy simply winked at him giving him a thumbs up, Robbe couldn’t control himself and smiled back and then he disappeared.</p><p>When he emerged after 20 minutes he found his friends chattering among themselves. It was Sander who first noticed him and asked excitedly coming towards him, “so, what did you choose? Let me see” his face beamed with uncontrolled glee.</p><p>“settle down cowboy, patience is a virtue you know” Robbe chuckled despite the pain still fresh from getting inked.</p><p>Everyone circled around him waiting anxiously.</p><p>Robbe pulled his pant a little, showing them his right ankle.</p><p>“A lighthouse?” Aaron asked with a puzzled tone.</p><p>“Been a while I wanted this, and today was the perfect opportunity so I took it. Thanks, Luca for picking the dare” Robbe moved forward hugging Luca lightly.</p><p>“No worries man, but I thought you won’t go for it, glad you did though. That tatt looks so cool,” Luca, said happily hugging him back.</p><p>“Let’s head back all, it's getting late” Jana crocked from behind them, barely keep her weight down. Jens was having a field trip trying to hold Jana while she was this drunk.</p><p>***</p><p>Robbe and Sander headed back together as they lived literally in front of one another.</p><p>Robbe felt his ankle throb with pain which he was sure would stay for some damn time. He didn’t anticipate how much pain it would bring and cursed loudly when he realised he was locked out from his own room. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>He realised that he mistakenly brought the wrong key with him and now he can’t enter inside.</p><p>“Having trouble?” of course this is Sander, who else would it be to watch Robbe humiliate himself.</p><p>“I am locked out,” he said without any pretence. He was very much exhausted and in pain to care whether he should be embarrassed at all now.</p><p>“If you don’t mind, you can spend the night here and we can sort this out tomorrow. You can ask for another key from office” Sander said keeping his tone cool.</p><p>“You don’t mind?” Robbe was genuinely surprised.</p><p>How is this guy so nice to him?</p><p>“No, I don’t. really, come. Come inside before you freeze standing there” Sander ushers him inside.</p><p>For what its worth, Robbe was taken aback when he stepped inside Sander’s room, this wasn’t what he expected. At all.</p><p>It was…. So cosy.  There were sketches adorning the walls, while the wall border was neatly decorated with faint fairy lights. It accentuated his sketches more, giving them shadows which felt like the drawing were alive, somehow breathing. It felt magical to Robbe.</p><p>“Here, drink this, it will help with your pain” Sander gently handed him a small glass.</p><p>Robbe drank without any second thought. He should have thought about it.</p><p>It tasted absolute shit.</p><p>“What the hell is this,” he asked quickly swallowing down the citrusy putrid liquid.</p><p>“Its gin, it helps with pain. Sorry I didn’t have any painkiller as I am not supposed to have them. I promise it gets batter, breathe Robbe. Breathe slowly.” Sander said slowly and Robbe felt himself relax a bit.</p><p>“Do you have extra sheets? I could sleep on the couch” Robbe offered after a while.</p><p>“Nonsense. We are two grown men absolutely capable of sharing a bed. You will sleep here beside me, go freshen up young man” Sander nudge him gently towards the attached bathroom.</p><p>Robbe sighed and went ahead. He was feeling calm now like he hadn’t felt since that night….they shared on the roof.  The idea of sharing the same bed with Sander felt intimate to him, or maybe he was overthinking again. He felt his mind race miles and miles ahead of him.</p><p>Its just one night, no big deal. He can do this. Right?</p><p>When he entered the room again, all except one tiny light was on. He was beyond exhaustion now and in no mood to chat further so he went ahead and took his place on the bed under covers.</p><p>“Goodnight Sander. Thanks for letting me crash man, you saved me” Robbe said in a pleading voice lightly.</p><p>Sander simply chuckled, “no worries, you can repay me anytime you want”</p><p>Robbe felt his eyelids getting heavier and he slowly drifted off.</p><p>***</p><p>He felt a light stroking motion on his head, someone was stroking his hair oh so gently and he stirred. The movement stopped immediately, but unmistaken. Snader stopped caressing his hair and he stilled.</p><p>Robbe opened his eyes slowly. They were face to face to each other, only a few inches apart. Sander was looking at him so intently that Robbe forgot to breathe and he leaned in, gently.</p><p>Who moved first towards one another remained a mystery and their lips caressed each other in next moment. Sander parted his lips slightly giving Robbe access to taste him. Taking his time Robbe leisurely moved his tongue, tasting Sander’s lips and finally pushing inside his mouth. The temperature around them shot up. </p><p>Sander has moulded his body to Robbe’s front now, touching and caressing his every inch. He tugs Robbe’s lower half towards him, moving up. Robbe felt his soul leave his body at that moment.</p><p>His hand slides down Sander’s chest to his stomach, to his back and he firmly pressed Sander against him.</p><p>He never expected a kiss to be this good, it felt like sparks of ember, electrifying and burning his nerves in pure bliss and pleasure.</p><p>Sander responded with a low groan, cupping Robbe’s jaw gently while the other hand stroked and gripped his hair tightly like he never wanted to let Robbe get away from him</p><p>And then all hell broke loose.</p><p>Robbe froze over and stops Sander the next moment, his past trauma gets triggered when Sander climbs on top of him. Unadulterated panic gripping him nerve by nerve.</p><p>Robbe felt so powerless in that moment, he felt himself shatter when he saw the dejected look in Sander’s face.</p><p>“Wha…what happened? Did I hurt you, Robbe?  I’m so sorry?” Sander was pleading now.</p><p>Robbe’s heart broke hearing Sander speak like this. But he couldn’t see straight anymore. He felt as if someone was choking the life out of him.</p><p>For months, Robbe was physically abused by his father and it became difficult for him to be close like this with anyone.</p><p>He wanted to go back in time, to fix everything but his nerves overcame him. Without giving a clear explanation to Sander, he gathered his belongings from the floor and proceed to leave as fast as he could but Sander stopped him.</p><p>“Robbe please don’t leave like this. At least tell me what I did wrong, please.” There were unmissable tears gleaming in his eyes.</p><p>Robbe couldn’t bear anyone touching him at that moment. He cringed away from Sander’s touch and said in a flat tone, “don’t follow me”.</p><p>Robbe left and disappeared as fast as he could, not before witnessing few tears escape Sander’s eyes.</p><p><em><strong>The angel was crying, his angel.</strong> </em>But Robbe felt powerless and so lost to stop himself. He felt his past catch up to him, and he finally collapsed on cold hard concrete, splitting his lips open, unable to move anymore as he blanked out from PTSD.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it really broke me while I was writing this chapter from Robbe's POV. This guy really went through so much :(</p><p>Let me know what you think about this chapter :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbe avoided going back to his dorm. As the person you are hiding from, lives right opposite to you then it makes things difficult to hide from them.</p><p>Instead, he ran downstairs as fast as he could in the chilly winter night. The temperature dropped around him and he shivered violently as he realised he forgot his jacket in Sander’s room.</p><p>All the negative thoughts, his demons that he carefully tried to suppress down all these came back rushing towards him.  He couldn’t bear it anymore. He wanted the darkness to swallow him whole, to make him numb.</p><p>He finally collapsed on cold hard concrete; splitting his, lips open, unable to move anymore as he blanked out from PTSD.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I think your friend is waking up now, you should leave the room. Wait outside.”</p><p>Robbe woke up groggily from terrible pounding inside his brain, which made things much difficult when he felt his lip being slightly numb from sensation.</p><p>“Mr. IJzermans glad to see you awake.  Don’t touch your lip, it will stay numb for a few more hours. I gave you a mild anaesthetic to numb the pain and bring down swelling”</p><p>After being reassured, he stopped touching his lips.  The lights felt blinding to him, too much brightness and it made his head hurt much worse. “Where am I?”</p><p>“You are in the on-campus medical centre, your friend rushed you in few hours ago in an unconscious state, if you want I can call your parents and let them know you are okay now,” the doctor said in a calm and soothing tone. It helped relax him a bit, its been a while since anyone took care of him, even if it meant that he was literally in a small hospital.</p><p>“No, no need to call anyone, when can I leave? I’m perfectly okay now” Robbe spoke hurriedly and tried to stand up, but the doctor caught his hands immediately.</p><p>“Mr. IJzermans we need to talk, just wait for a few minutes okay?”</p><p>“Okay” Robbe’s voice became small anticipating what the other person is going to say to him</p><p>“Mr. IJzermans, from what I have seen so far, anxiety attacks, insomnia, restlessness, being too observant sometimes and blackouts- they all lead to severe PTSD” the doctor finished calmly waiting for a sing from Robbe to proceed further.</p><p>Robbe let out a tiny hmm and the doctor went on carefully, “it means not so long ago you suffered from trauma and never recovered fully from it. I can refer a psychiatrist to you if you want, just go and talk a bit about yourself. If will help you, Robbe, if you let yourself heal” Robbe felt a warm hand on his shoulder trying to calm him down. He didn’t realise he was shivering and slightly dizzy too.</p><p>“I'm good, but thanks for the meds and uh…fixing my lip” Robbe now stood up slowly without any wobbly feet, and went ahead to shake the doctor’s hand.</p><p>“Okay no problems, but take this number. He is a friend of mine and should you decide to pay him a visit then just tell him I gave you the number. I didn’t prescribe you any medication for insomnia, they are not good for you. You should talk to him instead Robbe, he can help you with this”, after a while the doctor shook his hand and left him alone with his thoughts.</p><p>There was a faint unmissable knock on the door, he was sure it was someone else this time.</p><p>“Hey man, I was the one who brought you in, can I come in?” an unsure voice came from behind the door.</p><p>“Yes please do” Robbe needed to thank whoever this person was, he practically saved him, probably from being mugged or worse, freezing to death.</p><p>“I’m Elias and before you freak out I just want to say that I was returning home from a party and it was late I didn’t expect anyone to find outside but then I saw someone lying on the ground and just rushed towards you. When I saw your lips bleeding and slow shallow breaths I decided to bring you here. Again, I’m not  a creep.” The guy finished in a rush, and then simply stood there, a little bit flushed from waiting in the cold outside.</p><p>No, defiantly not a creep, but surely very much a nice person who bothered to help a stranger like this.</p><p>“I'm Robbe, and no you are not a creep. Thanks a lot, man, what can I say you saved my life now I owe you one,” Robbe felt himself blush a little bit, the guy was straight-up gorgeous. Not like the one, he had dreams about but defiantly straight up hot.</p><p>“Okay, thank god,” he let out a smile which made Robbe very much self-conscious, he was so good looking and then there was Robbe sitting here with lips split open.</p><p>“I can walk you to your dorm, if you like,” Elias offered simply while they together excited from the door.</p><p>“Sure” Robbe smiled a little while making him wince in pain.</p><p>They engaged in little polite conversation before they came to halt, they reached Robbe’s building.</p><p>“Wanted to ask you something, before you disappear Robbe” Elias stood in an awkward stance, waiting for Robbe to answer. “Yes, go ahead man”</p><p>“If you don’t mind me straight up asking you this, but I was wondering if you would like to go for a cup of coffee sometime, probably better after you heal first” he smiled slyly and it made Robbe smile too, his smile was so infectious, how could he not join in.</p><p>But a thought crept up slowly in his mind, about the disaster that he caused a few hours ago.</p><p>He made the white-haired angel cry, and it still made him feel so shitty. But Sander had a girlfriend, and what were they? They kissed and….that it. That’s what happened. Sure, he wanted more but it was wrong, so so much wrong.</p><p>Robbe doesn’t want to be with someone who is already in a relationship, no matter how much he craves him. He is going to let Sander go, even before anything happened between them.</p><p>“sure, I will let you know. What say?” Robbe gave him his number and waved him goodbye after indulging in a few more conversations.</p><p>He remembered he was still locked out, so he went ahead towards Jens dorm.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Robbe, you sure you are okay down there? Won't it hurt you further?” Jens said loudly, clearly exasperated after repeatedly asking Robbe to join him on the bed as they did when they were young.</p><p>“For the love of god Jens stop, I’m okay. I just hit my head, that’s all, <em>it's not a big deal</em> and definitely don’t need you fussing” Robbe dives back again into his sloppy makeshift bed on the floor.</p><p>“Ok fine, chill out man.  Also, check your phone, it’s been pinging nonstop since last night” Jens fell back groggily, trying to steal few more moments of sleep.</p><p>Robbe got up shaking his head trying to clear his head, but it's fruitless and he knows it. Everything seemed like a blur to him, whatever happened last night.</p><p>He opened his phone and the initial shock almost knocked his breath out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>47+ messages and 12 missed calls.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Robbe please tell me what happened? Why did you rush out like that?</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘was it me? Did I hurt you Robbe?’</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Robbe at least answer me, please. I’m getting  worried now.’</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Are you alright? Did something happen?’</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Robbe please :(</em></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Feels like you don’t want to talk, I am leaving you alone then. As you wish.’</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>‘Robbe if you need anything, or need to talk then know that I am here. I will be there for you always, whenever you need me to be.’</em> </strong>
</p><p>Robbe read and went through all the texts as fast as he could. He knows it now, whatever happened last night- he’s fucked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So sorry for updating this late, got busy with studying and upcoming exams- which wrecked me btw. Anyways, I'm back now :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am over at Tumblr, come say hi ~ @theblurredmoments</p></blockquote></div></div>
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